A midwife suggested to me the first time I was pregnant that I should consider telling everyone a fake due date. I can’t remember exactly what she said or even why, but it seemed like she was giving me some very important information. I took it on board and approached my hubby about it.
“Why would we do that?” he asked. The midwife had mentioned that if I went overdue, which is highly likely as most first-time women do go over by a week or so, then there might be pressure from those around me and that’s not what you need at that time. She said the sense of anticipation could be worst from those closest to me. That was enough reason for me and so I was interested to give it a go.
My hubby wasn’t cool with it – it felt dishonest, he said. Because I’d never been pregnant before, nor been overdue, I didn’t have the oomph to follow through.
That was a mistake!
When my due date arrived, lots of well-meaning friends and relatives were checking in to see if I’d had the baby – every other minute, it seemed. They all thought perhaps I was going to leave them out of the loop – have the baby and do a runner! Not likely. They were each only sending one SMS but multiply that by the number of friends and family who wanted the latest news – it meant I was getting lots and lots of messages. I found it increasingly hard to relax. The words of that wise midwife kept coming back to me.
I’ll do the fake due date for sure next time, I thought.
My mother had gone overdue four times and so of course I did too. Not that you always follow in your mother’s footsteps but I just had this feeling it would happen, and it did. My mother had also been with an OB for each birth and she’d spoken very highly of him and was very happy with her experience, so when I decided to go with midwives, she was nervous.
I was happy with my decision in every way. However, as the days ticked past my due date, it was difficult to assure my mum I was being well-looked-after.
Lo and behold, when I eventually did go into labour, I was seven days overdue. My dear mother was stressing (heck I maybe I will too when/if my firstborn goes into labour, we’ll see!) and it wasn’t enough for us to let her know on the other side of it all – she wanted to be kept updated, so she kept calling my hubby all throughout the labour, as well as the birth centre! When we did our orientation at the birth centre they’d said please make sure you tell your parents not to call us when you’re in labour, as they didn’t have enough staff to tend to the women and answer the phone as well. Again, the midwife’s words of wisdom crept into my thoughts. Next time, I thought, next time will be different.
THREE YEARS LATER
I was pregnant with number two, elated and over the moon. I had one gorgeous kid under my belt, had got through birth and was ready to go again.
This time I told everyone a fake due date, including our parents. My hubby still didn’t feel comfortable with it but I was the one birthing and I wanted it to be different this time, so he went along with it.
It was the best thing I did. We coasted up to the due date with ease and flew by it… seven days over and not a sign… I was getting worried but it was only myself and hubby who had reason for concern, not our parents and friends and relatives too. Eight days over, nothing. Nine days over, nothing. I was getting all the tests I needed to have and again I was under the care of midwives.
Ten days over, pre-labour starts and stops and no baby. By this point I was getting a lot of pressure to induce but kept getting tests and they all indicated the baby was fine so I opted for no induction (not easily – it was stressful). Eleven days over and finally I went into labour.
As far as our family and friends knew, I was only just approaching my due date as I’d told everyone it was two weeks later than it was.
On day twelve I gave birth to our son after a six-hour, natural, drug-free labour. It was phenomenal to say the least. I was on a high for weeks after that. There were a lot of elements that played into that birth going so well, and for me, part of it was dealing privately with the stress of being so overdue.
Would I use a fake due date again? For sure. Sorry Mum and Dad, sometimes you just gotta do what you know will put your mind in the best place. And when it comes to birth, that’s incredibly important.