I find it intriguing that in 2024 the Chinese postpartum tradition of “confinement” aka the Golden Month or “doing the month”, is taking off in Australia according to a recent SBS article.
16 years ago I was housebound. I was trying my hand at it with my first child. I’d read loads about it and being a Chinese medicine practitioner, I knew the importance of taking care of myself and how if I didn’t, how that could adversely impact me and my precious baby. It helped that my mother-in-law was Chinese.
Did I fully pull it off in the traditional style? No I didn’t but I gave it a good crack and made my own version of it that I’d like to share with you.
Not showering
I had read it was important for the baby to have familiar smells from the birth to help them bond with the mother. I always think about how things “go down” in nature and this made sense to me. I couldn’t bring myself not to shower at all, so I thought I’d wash from the waist down. This proved to be a good halfway point. Later when I was reading more heavily on this topic and getting into research, I found out that Chinese women back in the day were never allowed to wash at all because they often shared accommodation with animals (animals lived on the bottom floor and they’d live above). They’d noticed if women got wet and cold after giving birth, they more easily got sick and died. It makes sense how it became this ingrained cultural practice.
Feeding and sleeping
I knew I was supposed to just feed bubby and sleep but this felt almost impossible, as it took me two hours just to feed initially, then it was nappy change time, go to the loo for me and then possibly have a small rest before it started all over again. It was such a huge transition in those early days and because I had so much trouble learning how to feed without pain, it was an extra exhausting journey. I got there in the end, with the help of a lactation consultant but it was much harder than expected and so I couldn’t quite settle down to get the rest I so desperately needed.
Drinking soup
My mother-in-law had made a huge batch of special postnatal soup. This was my favourite meal of the day. It was eggs with ginger and special sweet vinegar – sounds not that appetising but it was incredible. It was so easy to heat up and drink. I’d have it for breakfast and also often for snacks too. It’s a well known recipe that is cooked for the new mum but usually more is cooked so others around her can enjoy it too. See recipe here.
Getting massages
I would have loved one of those but found it so hard to organise timing with all the breastfeeding. Fortunately for me, as my clinic was in the front room of our house at the time, I could book in for some acupuncture which was so soooo good. I did find it hard to lie on my stomach though in those early days with new breast feeding boobs – they hurt.
Having a belly wrap
I got one of those belly wraps to help bring you all the way back together. It was good but it was a bit hot and I didn’t always want to wear it. So that was a bit on again off again, however it still made me feel like I was doing something to roll with the process.
Not going outside
This idea of not going outside has also come from more ancient times when animals were on the first floor of houses and families lived above. It was so the new mother could recover and reduce her risk of catching a bug that could easily bring her down in her depleted state post birth. I mostly stayed inside and started to venture out more around week three, just pushing the pram around the block.
Minimal visitors
I had read it wasn’t wise to pass the baby around in the early stages and it’s best your baby stays with the main caregivers, so I followed that advice – not completely but we didn’t have loads of people over and to be fair, I wasn’t feeling up to it as it was all so new. I was incredibly tired and sore and looking back, needed far more sleep than I got.
After subsequent births I further tweaked my little “doing the month” ritual. I slept much more, did less and less again around the house, as I knew that if I didn’t go deep on the nurturing in that first month, I would pay for it later.
I had my last baby in my early 40s. I was mostly worried about how tired I would be afterwards, as the pregnancy had been tough. I told my two kids and husband to expect the worst and I could be out of action for months. It was a complete shock to even me, that after sleeping lots, I felt amazing, had so much more energy and was bouncing off the walls with my third baby. Was that even possible? It is quite incredible what adequate amounts of sleep in the early prenatal period can do for a lady.
Recently I had a client who had done an enormous amount of prep so she could relax post birth. Her and her husband had cooked and frozen about a month’s worth of meals. She’d bought everything in advance she thought she needed. It was a hugely impressive list. Even so, she found the early stages difficult, particularly with breastfeeding and it made me think of how gentle we need to be with ourselves.
We can’t possibly tick all the boxes to ensure it’s a smooth transition. We can do our absolute best, rest as much as possible, ask friends to bring us something to eat when they come (if they’re asking what they can do wink wink) and then it’s best if we can be soft and gentle with ourselves. There’s so much to learn in those early days and weeks – it can feel never ending and oh so tiring. It’s such a huge transition and we learn a little more about what would make us and our babes feel better each time we go through it. So go softly. I’m thinking of you and sending love xo