Beating Mummy Burnout is a guest post by Pinky McKay.
There’s no burnout without fire goes the saying, and there is plenty of fuel for the fires of parenthood. Most of us feel pressured to live up to impossibly high and unrealistic expectations. It’s all too easy to judge yourself harshly for not being a ‘yummy mummy’ with an impeccable home, contented baby, compliant children, doting partner and supportive family members – just like in the glossy mags! So, you keep trying to juggle more and more balls in the air as you meet everybody’s needs, except your own.
Burnout is a state of total exhaustion – physical, emotional and spiritual – brought on by unrelenting stress. When we burn out, we feel we have nothing left to give. Dr Kathleen Kendall Tackett, author of ‘The Hidden Feelings of Motherhood’ describes burnout as a loss of enthusiasm, energy, idealism, perspective and purpose. She says that burning out is like the feeling you get when trying to run a marathon at full speed.
Burnout is not a sign that you are failing. Rather, it’s generally a sign that you are caring too much – for everybody except yourself! It is also a warning sign that things need to change. Keeping up with active littlies is a huge stress on your body and although the responsibility of nurturing a little being is rewarding and joyful, it also takes up a lot of energy, both physical and mental. So, if you are feeling burnt out right now, here is some advice on how to regain your balance.
6 Tips For Beating Mummy Burnout
1. Eat well
Give yourself a head start in the energy stakes, and maintain your energy levels until the afternoon, by eating a nutritious breakfast; avoid empty calories – sweets and junk food will not sustain your energy and may cause mood changes as your blood sugar levels fluctuate; opt for healthy snacks such as fresh fruit or vegetables, avocadoes, boiled eggs, cheese and crackers or try our organic and natural ‘superfood’ Boobie Bikkies and include fish in your diet: deep-sea fish such as salmon, tuna and mackerel are rich in DHA, a fatty acid important in maintaining the nervous system. Studies show that a mother’s DHA levels become depleted as her body provides for the developing infant during pregnancy and breastfeeding, and low levels of DHA can lead to reduced concentrations of serotonin, which has been linked to depression. Eating well is a crucial step in beating mummy burnout.
2. Have a health check
You need to be in peak health to meet the needs of your little ones as well as the demands of your busy life, so take time to have a health check: thyroid disorders, low iron and vitamin D levels can all make you feel exhausted but a simple blood test will reveal if you need treatment. Beating mummy burnout means knowing where you’re starting and taking it from there.
3. Delete, delegate and simplify
Take a look at everything you do each day and make a list (this could take a week to do), then check which things you have to do, what you like or don’t enjoy doing, what can wait, where you can take shortcuts – then delete, delegate or simplify. Meals for instance can be simplified – without resorting to takeaway. Slow cookers, batch and freeze, organise a mama bake group, eat more raw foods. Do just one bigger job a day – rather than clean the entire house, just clean or tidy one room or shelf, by the end of the week it will all get done and if it doesn’t, as long as choking hazards are picked up, no small children will suffer because they lived in an untidy house; they won’t remember whether they wore clothes that were ironed or not and they won’t give a toss if they ate cheese on toast and fruit for dinner some nights or if they ate a picnic dinner in the bath – saves clean-ups – mess goes down the plughole, you are multitasking so it saves time, reduces your burnout and everyone has fun!
4. Protect your mental energy
Learn your early warning signs that you are entering your ‘overwhelm zone’ and approaching mummy burnout – you feel extra tired; you start to say yes when you know you should have said ‘no’; your shoulders are up and tense; you are yelling too much; you are feeling anxious. These are all signs of mummy burnout so you need to stop and take time out, whatever that is for you and however you can manage this. It might mean sitting in the sun while your toddler plays outside or having an afternoon nap with your baby. Perhaps you could hire some help or invite a friend over just for one afternoon so you can go to bed while she cuddles the baby or plays with your toddler. Inviting a friend over can be great if your stress is affecting your mothering – it’s like having ‘supervision’ as well as support. You are less likely to have a mummy meltdown if you have company. You can take turns helping each other.
Reduce your negative self-talk, especially about how much you are achieving – or NOT!
If you feel as though you haven’t achieved anything all day/ all week/ all year – whatever, stop this negativity and try looking at your day as though you are making a movie of yourself – follow yourself through your day – and acknowledge everything you have done – so the floors may be scattered with toys, the benches might be piled with junk and you have no idea what you are making for dinner – but you have engaged with your baby, fed him, cuddled him, rocked him, smelt his delicious smell, you have sat outside with your toddler, listened to his chatter, seen the world through his eyes, survived the tantrum about the toast, listened to your mother on the phone as you wiped a toddler’s bottom with your other hand… maybe you even managed to have a shower among all of this – you haven’t achieved NOTHING! You have worked all darn day! So look at all of this as though you are watching a movie – and tell yourself – “I am freaking AMAZING!”
5. Ditch the guilt
Divide guilt into ‘piles’ – good guilt motivates; bad guilt takes you away from the present. And if we dwell on guilt, that adds to our stress load. We tend to over compensate – often giving in when we should actually be setting boundaries or indulging our child when all we need to do is apologise, acknowledge what we have done that disappointed us and our child, and move on. Guilt can be a signal that we might need to do things differently, so instead of being overcome, try and work out what happened – why did we lose our temper, perhaps – and how could we do things differently next time?
6. Have fun!
Set yourself a goal to do one fun thing every day before 10am! If you are too stressed right now to be spontaneous, write a list and stick it to your fridge – your spontaneity will develop as you see the positive response from your little ones.
Beating mummy burnout isn’t easy but the best advice is to love and be kind to yourself in whatever small ways you can.