What Chinese Medicine Can Teach Us About Women Who Disappear For A While… and how that can have an impact on fertility
Featuring the incredible Adele – one of my all time fave singers:)
Disclaimer: This article is not a diagnosis of Adele or commentary on her personal health. It is an exploration of publicly available information through the lens of Chinese medicine and what it may teach us about our own lives.
One of the most interesting things modern culture does is reward constant visibility.
We’re taught that relevance must be maintained.
Post regularly.
Respond quickly.
Stay visible.
Keep producing.
Keep sharing.
Keep performing.
Particularly as women, there is often an unspoken expectation that we should be everything to everyone all at once.
And yet some women repeatedly disappear.
Not because they’ve failed. Not because they’re irrelevant. But because they seem to understand something ancient. Sometimes restoration requires withdrawal.
Adele has fascinated me for years for this reason.
Throughout her career she has repeatedly stepped away from public life. Between albums. After tours. During motherhood. Following significant life events. Rather than maintaining constant visibility, she has often chosen privacy.
At one point she famously said:
“I’m very good at disappearing.”
From a modern cultural perspective, that can seem risky. From a Chinese medicine perspective, it may be profoundly intelligent.
The Cost of Constant Output
Chinese medicine understands that every human being lives from a finite pool of resources.
We are constantly spending energy.
Every late night.
Every stress response.
Every deadline.
Every heartbreak.
Every performance.
Every pregnancy.
Every birth.
Every emotional exposure.
Every act of caregiving.
Every period of pushing through exhaustion. All of it requires expenditure. In Chinese medicine this is Yang.
Yang is movement. Action. Achievement. Performance. Productivity. Output.
Yang is necessary.
Without Yang, nothing happens. But Yang without Yin, eventually burns out.
What Is Yin, Really?
Many people think of Yin as simply being feminine energy. Chinese medicine sees it as much more than that.
Yin is your capacity to restore. And we do that via our sleep, privacy and stillness. We need recovery, nourishment, reflection, silence and time away from the gaze of others.
Yin is the part of life that allows us to refill what Yang has spent. And what I find so interesting about Adele’s public life is not simply that she works hard.
It’s that she appears to repeatedly return to Yin: To home, family, mothering…to ordinary life that also entails privacy and to spaces where she doesn’t have to perform.
The Nervous System Was Never Designed For Constant Visibility
Chinese medicine has always recognised something modern neuroscience is now exploring in greater detail:
The body does not distinguish particularly well between physical expenditure and emotional expenditure. Being constantly “on” costs something. Being watched all the time costs as does being evaluated and available, even when we love what we do.
It’s important now to bring in the concept of Shen. Shen is often translated as Spirit in Chinese medicine but it’s more than that. It reflects our emotional coherence, our mental clarity, our sense of self and our ability to feel at home within ourselves. When life becomes too externally focused, Shen can become unsettled.
Many women know exactly what this feels like. You may not be famous but perhaps you’ve spent years:
Looking after everyone else. Building a business or a career. Raising children. Holding emotional space for others.
Responding to messages. Meeting expectations. Producing. Performing.
Giving. Giving. And more Giving.
Eventually something inside begins asking for quiet.
Not because you’re lazy or weak but because you’ve had enough and are burning out.
Why This Matters For Fertility
One of the most beautiful teachings in Chinese medicine is that fertility depends upon surplus. The body must feel there are enough resources available not only to sustain itself, but to create and sustain another life. This isn’t simply about age, or hormones or test results.
It’s about your resources.
Do you have enough Blood? Literally?! This means in Chinese medicine, do you have Yin? It actually doesn’t matter what we call it – that’s just language. Whatever you choose to call it, it’s still necessary or having that dream baby just won’t happen.
Do you get enough rest?
Are you having enough nourishment?
Do you feel safe enough on a daily basis?
Do you have enough in reserve?
The body is remarkably wise. When resources are abundant, reproduction becomes easier. When resources are stretched thin, the body often prioritises survival.
This doesn’t mean rest is a fertility treatment. Nor does it mean every fertility challenge can be solved by slowing down. Life is far more complex than that. But it does remind us that restoration matters.
The Wisdom Of Disappearing
Perhaps the lesson isn’t that we should all vanish for six months and move to the countryside, althought that does sound good!
Perhaps the lesson is simply this: There are seasons. There are seasons for creating and seasons for restoring.There are seasons for visibility and seasons for privacy. There are seasons for giving and seasons for receiving.
Nature has always operated this way. Chinese medicine has always operated this way too as it was merely naming nature. Yet modern culture often asks us to live permanently in summer.
To bloom continuously, produce constantly, perform daily. But nothing in nature does that. Not even the most successful flowers.
Perhaps Adele’s greatest lesson is about her incredible voice and how it can make you feel when you hear her songs, perhaps it’s about remembering that disappearing for a while can sometimes be an act of wisdom. A return to self. A return to the place where our resources are quietly rebuilt.
And perhaps more of us need permission to do the same.
PS my favourite song of hers is Rolling in the Deep, what’s yours?
If you’re ready to learn and embed ways to build your Yin, book in with Rebecca or Naomi today :) 1800REDTENT or book online.