As a mum of two, I can attest to the fact that having babies can come as quite a shock, both to you as a mum and to your relationship with your significant other. If you’re pregnant with bub number 1, you might want to have these 5 discussions with your partner before your first baby arrives.
1) I’m gonna be out of action for quite some time!
Not that you would know this the first time around but I’m here to tell you that you will be. You’ll have all the time in the world in one sense, but you’ll struggle to accomplish anything other than feeding your baby.
So if you can, organise a cleaner to come regularly. Enlist the help of your partner to prepare some meals and have them in the freezer prior to bub coming. Start to let go of the idea that you will have a daily shower.
2) What tasks do you feel you can be responsible for so I don’t have to think about them?
Write lists of everything you normally do and how it will be divided up between you. Often what happens, seemingly quite by accident, is that hubby goes back to work and you’re at home with bub and expected to do all of the home duties and admin, which is way too much – especially the first time around. Things like washing clothes, cooking dinner and doing the grocery shopping are all of a sudden tricky tasks and it can take some time to get a handle on them. Getting help from your partner and any willing relatives, friends and neighbours will make a difference. It takes a village to raise a child – that cliché is oh so true.
3) Our sleeping patterns will no longer be patterns. More like haphazard chaos. Let’s be prepared.
You’re both going to be super tired, it’s true. But you’re the one creating breastmilk and trying to stay sane while being with bubby all day so it’s important that you tag team when it comes to sleep so you both end up with enough. Sleep when your baby sleeps to get enough rest. There are special hormones to help you feel relaxed and go to sleep within a 15-minute period after a feed if you are breastfeeding, so use that to your advantage.
4) My work may not resume when we expect it to.
Take as much time off your work as you can post-baby to concentrate on motherhood and getting into your own groove. I remember when I was pregnant I was getting advice that my baby would get into a routine really easily, I could get all this work done when she slept. I had visions of it all and it seemed simple and completely awesome. This was not my reality at all. Her routine was always changing and I could never rely on a certain sleep time. She was happy, thriving and putting on weight so I went with that and did less work.
5) We need to be mindful of me time and we time.
Schedule in some quality time for yourself alone and for the two of you as a couple. I know it seems nuts but it is important and will be the hardest thing to do. It will fill up your cup though, even if it’s as simple as a bath or a walk by yourself, date night with your partner or a cuppa with a friend – okay I’m totally stretching it there – stick with the bath in the beginning. It will be invigorating and totally energising and that’s the stuff that will enable you to keep giving to that little bundle of joy.
Last but not least, laugh, cry and just be. Motherhood is one of toughest gigs there is – probably THE toughest. You love like you’ve never loved before. Your heart will ache like it has never ached before. The lengths you will go to for your little one may even frighten you at times. It’s completely awesome and incredible and it’s intensely bedraggling and tiring – all at the same time. It’s Yin and Yang when it’s all boiled down – you can’t have one without the other.
If you want to watch something that will give you a taste of the dream versus the reality then check out my friend’s comedy on the ABC, it’s called The Letdown.
I remember when she and I were walking our new babes together, still in partial shock about the whole parenting thing and how different it was to what we thought. Hats off to her that she’s telling the story of motherhood in more realistic terms. It’s not her story though – it’s our story – let me know what you think.